Season 1 Episode 2 “Eric's Birthday”

~Outline~
Eric's 17th birthday is approaching, and he tries to prevent his mother, Kitty, from throwing him a surprise birthday party. Donna tells Jackie she kissed Eric, and Jackie helps her choose a meaningful gift for him. Meanwhile, Eric's older sister, Laurie, returns home from college for a visit.

~Vocabulary~
○compatible
Red : Parts have to be compatible, Eric.

○frosting
Kitty : Get a large can of frosting.

○fallopian tube
Eric : First the egg travels down the fallopian tube to the uterus where it attaches to the wall.

○bandy
Kitty : I just don't like my little boy bandying those words about.

○bump
Red : Yeah, and if a frog had wings, he wouldn't bump his ass when he hops.

○sorely
Kitty : So don't think you're getting one or you will be sorely disappointed.

○lawn
Red : Happy Birthday. You know, the lawn's not gonna cut itself.

○bun
○dill
Kitty : We have more buns and sweet pickles if you don't like the dill.

○Yahtzee
Midge : Bob is very good at Yahtzee.

~Funny Lines~
Donna : It’s still three naked women with a dog.
Fez : I want to be the Hooterville dog.

Hyde : She's not a goddess. She's more the earth mother whore type, which works for me.

Laurie : It'll only take me a minute.
Eric : I don't think Kelso's gonna last that long.

Eric : But I need a favor.
Laurie : For you? I don't think so.

Kelso : Your sister wants me. I mean you saw her coming on to me, right?
Hyde : Let him go.
Kelso : Remember? I said, "Hello, Laurie." And Laurie said... "Hello, Kelso."
Laurie hallucinated by Kelso : I'm waiting and I want you. Baby. Take me now. I need it bad. I need it all night. I'm completely naked under this. And I'm hot for you, Kelso.
Kelso : What? You didn't see it?

Red : So how's your friend Janice?
Laurie : Pregnant.
Kitty : She was such a nice girl. How does that happen?
Eric : First the egg travels down the fallopian tube to the uterus where it attaches to the wall.
Red : Eric, for God's sakes, that's no language for a woman to hear.

Eric : Laurie, I just remembered. I can't loan you the Vista Cruiser on account of I hate you.
Red : Laurie, you're not driving the Vista Cruiser. It's old and undependable. It could break down and you'd be at the mercy of any maniac who came along. It's okay for Eric, but you're taking the Toyota. And here's $20.
Laurie : Will that cover gas?
Kitty : It should. Honey, give her another $10, just in case.
Eric : You know, I could probably use some gas money.
Red : Yeah, and if a frog had wings, he wouldn't bump his ass when he hops.

Eric : Donna? Donna, it's 3 a.m. Are you crazy?
Donna hallucinated by Eric : Crazy? Crazy in love with you. What is i about you that drives me wild with passion and desire?
Eric : I am 17 now.
Donna hallucinated by Eric : Shut up and sit down. I have to give you your birthday present. It can't wait any longer. Close your eyes.
Eric : This is my birthday present?
Donna hallucinated by Eric : No, that's my nightgown. I'm your present. Open your eyes, birthday boy.
Kitty : Suprise!

Red : Happy Birthday. You know, the lawn's not gonna cut itself.

Kitty : Hi, kids. I need your help with something. Jackie, Donna, Michael, Steven, young man with an accent, could you give me a hand? Not you Eric!

Eric : Wow! I mean, Yeah.
Kitty : It's an eight-track tape player.
Eric : Cassettes. Great. Thanks, Hyde.
Hyde : You're welcome.
Kitty : Let's put them in the eight-track and play them.

Laurie : Okay, I'd love to stay, but I'm leaving.
Eric : Buy us some beer? We'll pay double.
Laurie : Do you really think that beer will make your little party better?
Everybody : Yes.
Laurie : I admit it would give some young people a sense of maturity but it would be a false maturity, and that would be wrong.
Eric : So you're not going to do it?
Laurie : Of course not. Now I'm going off to jin my legal friends at a party with a keg. Bye.
Kelso : So, Laurie, where's the party? You know, maybe we'll cruise by later.
Laurie : In your dreams, you idiot.
Kelso : Okay, you guys had to see that.

Kitty : The liquor cabinet?
Red : It's locked.
Kitty : What if there's an emergency?
Red : They'll call.
Kitty : What if they run out of chips?
Red : They'll starve.

Kitty : Well, planty could happen. Plenty.
Kitty as Donna : Now that the adults are gone, we can be as bad as we want.
Kitty as Jackie : Who wants to give Eric a venereal disease?
Kitty as Kelso : Hey look. Coasters. Forget coasters!
Kitty as Eric : Please, fellas... My mom put out coasters for a reason.
Kitty as Hyde : I think I'm gonna put my drink directly on the furniture. That way it will leave a ring.
Kitty as Eric : No! Why didn't I beg my mother to stay?
Kitty as Fez : Quiet, you silly American! I am making a long distance call on your parents' phone.
Kitty as Eric : But that's immoral.
Kitty as Fez : In my country of, wherever it is I am from, I can never tell. Morals get in the way of a good dirty time. But first, I need to eat some chips. What? Out of chips? Now I am mad. I must shoot something.
Kitty as Eric : Not the littlest hobo! Why?
Red : You're over-reacting.

Kitty : Look at this. We never thought to put a candle out here. It is just so romantic.
Red : Let's keep moving. There's nothin to see out here.
Kitty : We have candles in the bedroom, don't we?

Hyde : Come on, Forman, go for it.
Eric : The door's open, we can hear you. We can see you.
Fez : Is he kissing her?
Hyde : None of us can see them. Fez.
Fez : Eric are you kissing her?

Kelsoキタ━━━(゜∀゜)━━━!! I think he hallucinates as much as I do! I wanted to appear in the show, but apparently I'm not called. Probably becuase I'm the same as Kelso except I'm cooler than him a little bit or a lot:P